ANALYSING INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS

 ANALYSING INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS

14.1 INTRODUCTION

Most of your daily time is spent in some sort of interpersonal situation, rather than all by yourself or being just a member of a large group. Most of your daily experiences involve interactions with other human beings. Some such experiences have been quite joyful resulting into relationships which have flourished over time. Some experiences have hurt you, upset you, resulting in relationships which have remained stagnant or have worsened or have been abandoned. Understanding how and why these have happened to you will help you develop and improve your relationships with others. In a service industry like tourism, this kind of exercise is essential in order to improve your interpersonal relationships.

Your “interpersonal competence” refers to the degree to which you are accurately aware of your impact on others and of the impact of others on you. In fact, it is your ability to engage in any mutually helpful relationships. It enables you to achieve your personal goals as well as task goals in the organisation where you are a member.

What are the effects of your interpersonal competence on your managerial behaviour? Interpersonally incompetent managers create an organisational environment in which members act very defensively to protect their own interests. Since everybody acts defensively in the organisation, where roles and relationships are basically interdependent, neither the personal goals of the members, nor the task goals can be fully realised. Problems are not confronted and are kept hidden from each other for fear that exploring the problems will only aggravate the situation. In course of time, issues which were avoided and swept under the rug assume gigantic proportions and overwhelm the members. On the other hand,

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interpersonally competent managers allow their subordinates to challenge their views and to question the organisation’s norms, policies, rules and objectives. When these kinds of behaviours are tolerated, people are likely to discover problems and commit themselves to their solutions. In such situations the organisational effectiveness increases. Your role in the organisation can be viewed as a central role surrounded by at least three other types of roles: Superiors, Colleagues and Subordinates.

YOU

Colleagues

Colleagues

Subordinates

Subordinates

Superiors

Besides these three types of roles, you may have to interact with a lot of other people from different positions: consumers, suppliers, people from regulatory agencies, the general public, etc. Interactions with different interest-groups demand different types of specific skills and competencies. Possession and understanding of these skills may not guarantee successful human relations, but it can increase your interpersonal sensitivity and help you take appropriate action to improve relationships. But remember, any attempt to improve interpersonal competence must begin with knowing oneself more accurately.

14.2 UNDERSTANDING THE DETERMINANTS OF INTERPERSONAL BEHAVIOUR

In order to perfect yourself in interpersonal behaviour you have to understand the determinants in this regard.

14.2.1 Self-Concept

Each person has an attitude towards himself or herself and this attitude comprises the self or self-concept i.e. What am I ?.The self-concept has three aspects - beliefs, feelings and behaviours:

• The belief component represents the content of the self. This is illustrated by such thoughts as “I am intelligent, sincere, overweight” etc.

• The feeling component about one’s self is reflected in feelings of self-worth or in general as ‘I’m O. K.’ or ‘I’m not O.K.

• Finally, the behavioural component is the tendency to act towards one’s self in a self-deprecating or self-enhancing manner.

Your self-concept is a reflection of all your past experiences with other persons and includes characteristics which distinguish you from others. Once your self-concept is established and specific patterns of behaviour are adopted, it tends to resist change. This resistance to change also gives you a degree of stability that prevents you from regarding yourself as worthless at one moment and worthy at the next. As your activities are organised and integrated in relation to your self-concept, you can expect to develop a relatively consistent life-style. Also, you achieve a stable interpersonal environment by maintaining a consistent relationship between your self-concept and your beliefs about how others behave 190

and feel towards you with regard to your self-concept. In order to maintain your interpersonal environment and to maximise congruence or harmony, you (like any other individual) actively use certain mechanisms to stabilise interactions:

1. Misperception : When the actual expectations of others are not in agreement with your self-concept or behaviour, you may simply misperceive how others see you.

2. Selective Interaction: You may choose to interact with those persons with whom you can most readily establish an agreement state.

3. Selective Evaluation of the Other Person: You may maximise congruence by favourably evaluating those who behave agreeingly towards you and devaluate those who do not.

4. Selective Evaluation of Self: You maximise congruency by altering the values placed on various aspects of your self concepts so that the aspects that are in agreement with the perception of your own behaviour and those of others are most highly evaluated.

5. Response Evocation: You, intentionally or unintentionally, behave in a way that results in other’s behaving towards you in a congruent fashion. A person in interaction controls the cues provided to others to ensure that he or she will be categorised in certain ways and not in any unexpected way.

The mechanisms, mentioned above, are some of the means used by any person to protect one’s self-concept and maintain an interpersonal environment.

14.2.2 Interpersonal Needs

What do you want from me ? People need people, but for what ? Schutz (Interpersonal Underworld 1966) maintains that there are three interpersonal needs- inclusion, control and affection that cause one to establish and maintain relations with others. These needs are defined as follows:

i) Inclusion- the need for interaction and association.

ii) Control- the need for control and power.

iii) Affection- the need for love and affection.

However, individuals differ in the strength of their interpersonal needs. For each interpersonal need, there are two behavioural aspects – expressed and wanted. Expressed behaviour is the behaviour that we initiate towards others, whereas wanted behaviour is the behaviour we want or prefer from others towards us.

Expressed Behaviour Need Dimension Wanted Behaviour

I initiate interaction with people Inclusion I want to be included

I control people Control I want people to control me

I act close and personal towards Affection I want people to get close

people and personal with me

Compatibility is the property of a relationship between two or more persons that leads to the mutual satisfaction of interpersonal needs and harmonious coexistence. If what is wanted and what is expressed is equal for both interacting persons, mutual needs are satisfied. For example, those who wish to dominate and control activities, work well with those who want to be controlled or directed. However, if both parties want to dominate, some degree of conflict may be expected.

When you compare these interpersonal needs with self-concept, you will find that the need for inclusion is to feel that the self is significant and worthwhile; for control, the need is to feel one’s self as a competent and responsible person; for affection, the need is to feel that self is a lovable person.

14.2.3 Interpersonal Orientations

How do you influence me? Individuals vary greatly in how they relate to and influence others. Three basic types of persons have been identified-the tough battler, the friendly helper, and the objective thinker. These three styles and associated behaviours are outlined in the following chart. 191

Chart 1

Three Interpersonal Orientations and Associated Behaviour

Tough Battler Friendly Helper Objective Thinker

Emotions Accepts aggression Accepts affection Rejects both affection Rejects affection Rejects aggression and interpersonal

aggression

Goal Dominance Acceptance Correctness

Judges Strength, power Warmth Cognitive ability

Others by

Influence Direction, intimidation Offering understanding, Factual data, logical

Others by control of rewards praise, favours, friendship arguments

Value in Initiates, demands Supports, harmonises, Defines, clarifies, gets

organisation disciplines relieves tension information, tests,

criticses.

Overuses Fight Kindness Analysis

Becomes Pugnacious Sloppy, sentimental Pedantic

Fears Being “soft” or Desertion, conflict Emotions, irrational

dependent acts

Needs Warmth, consideration, Strength, integrity , Awareness of feeling, objectivity firmness, self-assertion ability to love and to fight

The interpersonal orientations are shown in terms of extremes, but they are typical descriptions of familiar behaviour. Many people are more oriented to one style then another and feel more comfortable with its associated behaviours. While one’s style is related to his or her personal needs and self-concept, a style can be overdone and distorted. Each style reflects a behaviour that, in varying degrees, is ineffective in some situations.

The Tough Battler would relate better to others, if he or she was more sensitive to others, could accept his or her own inevitable dependence on others, and recognise that some situations will not yield to pressure.

The Friendly Helper would be more satisfied if he or she could stand up for his or her own interests and face conflict.

Like-wise, the Objective Thinker could relate to others more effectively, if he or she was more aware and accepting of his or her own feeling and those of others. One does not have to assume that his or her behaviour is fixed or impossible to control.

14.2.4 Interpersonal Attraction

Why do we like each other? You are not passive in your interpersonal interactions with others but seek to structure these relationships. You will choose to interact with others with whom you can most readily establish a harmonious relationship. For example, if you regard yourself as very intelligent, you will interact with others who respect your intelligence or allow you to use it. By choosing such persons as friends, an important and durable source of harmonious interactions is created. So, remember: people interact more frequently with those who are perceived as confirming their self-concept to the greatest extent.

The greater the importance and common consequences of an “object” for two people, the greater the attraction between both persons. An “object” may refer to any focus of perception− including physical 192

objects, symbols, the other person’s self-concept or to one’s own self-concept. This relationship is depicted in Figure I.

n

Person APerson BOrientatioOrientationPerception ofB’s viewPerception ofA’s view

Figure I : Factors and Dynamics of Interpersonal Attraction

The attraction of ‘A’ towards ‘B’ is affected by the similarity between A’s attitude towards ‘X’ and his or her perception of B’s attitude towards ‘X’. Moreover, A’s own attitude towards ‘X’ and his or her perception of B’s attitude are influenced by the degree to which he or she is attracted to ‘B’. For example, assume that ‘A’, who is attracted to ‘B’, discovers a difference between A’s and B’s attitudes towards their common supervisor, ‘X’. Assume that ‘A’ likes the supervisor but ‘B’, does not and holds many unfavourable views about him. Since ‘A’ is attracted to ‘B’ even while holding divergent views, a strain is created that must be resolved. Return to a state of balance may take several forms:

1) A shift in A’s perception of B’s attitude may occur. ‘A’ may decide that he or she was mistaken in attributing to ‘B’ a negative attitude towards the supervisor. If ‘B’ actually does have a negative attitude, this would be a misperception.

2) ‘A’ might change his or her own attitude in the direction of ‘B’ and develop a negative attitude towards the supervisor (X).

3) ‘A’ might try to convince ‘B’ that ‘B’ is mistaken about the supervisor. If ‘B’ is attracted to ‘A’ and is also experiencing a strain, ‘B’ might be susceptible to such persuasion.

4) ‘A’ might restore balance to the relationship by reducing his or her attraction towards ‘B’.

These actions indicate how people seek to validate their attitudes by seeking agreement with others.

When a group begins to interact and acquire information of other’s views and attitudes, bonds of attraction form most strongly between those who hold similar views toward things that are important and relevant to both. Also, a person likes others who have the same feeling toward him or her as that person has toward himself or herself. This reinforces one’s self-concept and facilitates interpersonal relations.

Check Your Progress-1

1) Check your understanding of the concept of “interpersonal competence” by indicating whether the following statements are True (T) or False (F).

An interpersonally competent manager:

i) is able to engage in any mutually helpful relationship

ii) achieves personal goals but not the task goals of the organisation where he is member

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iii) is more accurately aware of his impact on others and others, impact on him,

iv) creates an environment in which members act very defensively to protect their own interests

v) allows subordinates to challenge his views and to question the organisataions’s norms, policies, rules and objectives

2) Write eighteen simple sentences about yourself starting with “I am” or or “I want others to, “I like” Write these sentences as frankly and spontaneously as possible without exercising much caution. Analyse the sentences yourself to determine your self-concept and interpersonal needs. You may find some of the sentences cannot be put into any of the categories we have discussed so far.

14.3 DEVELOPING INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

The development of successful working relationships takes time. No one can cultivate such a relationship with another person without going through a process that is long and arduous. The development of a working relationship occurs in the following sequences:

1) The initial contract produces a set of impressions and attitudes in each towards the other. A favourable mutual impression is needed to develop a long-term relationship.

2) A positive impression opens the door for a long-term working relationship. When this occurs, the interacting parties develop a set of mutually agreeable expectations regarding their roles, performance and relationships.

3) The interacting parties make continuous attempts to meet each other’s expectations. Failure to carry out this psychological contract will probably terminate the relationship.

4) Mutual trust and influence develop as a result of meeting the psychological contract, and this ensures the continuation of the relationship.

In this following Sub-sections, we are going to discuss, in brief, the four stages of developing interpersonal relationship.

1) Forming first impressions

2) Developing mutual expectations

3) Honouring psychological contracts

4) Developing trust and influence

14.3.1 Forming First Impressions

First impressions, though may be inaccurate, are lasting impressions. This is because they influence the way in which people see subsequent data about the perceived object or person. So, whether or not first impressions are correct, it is important for us to make favourable impressions on other people. Initial impressions do not guarantee long-term relationship, but they are essential for entering into enduring relationships with others. Many studies have shown that much of the ground-work for subsequent relationships with others is laid in the very first stage of socialisation and this is very important in service industry. In all front line operations (e.g. guides, escorts, receptionist etc.) the first impression on customer is vital.

The first stage of socialisation has a significant implication for those who are looking for jobs. When an organisation searches for a new manager, it will probably contact between 10 to 40 potential candidates. Of these, it will probably interview between three to eight people, but only one will be selected for the position. What factors help the employer to narrow down the list ? The initial selection is probably based on substantive qualities such as educational achievement, job experience and specialisation, reference, etc. as described in the resume. But the next selection most likely results from the impression the candidates make during the job interview. Image consultants like J.A. Thompson list the following qualities which help make a good first impression:

1) Poise: One should maintain composure by being diplomatic and personable. Nervousness disturbs one’s poise.

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2) Articulation: One should speak naturally and fluently, use proper language and add deep tones in the voice to create an impression of maturity.

3) Conservative Dress: Conservative dress in classic styles are appropriate for a business engagement such as job interview. Extremes in fashion should be avoided.

4) Positive Attitude: Without being a naïve optimist, one should show a positive outlook towards life, for people generally prefer a prudent optimist to a pessimist.

5) Knowledgeability: Learning something about the organisation and its products, services and people before an interview demonstrates one’s interest.

6) Thoughtfulness: One should be alert and responsive, yet weigh each question before responding. A hasty response can be seen as indicative of immaturity or lack of wisdom.

7) Self- confidence: In order to make other people have confidence in him or her, the person needs to appear self-confident. An erect posture, head held high and an assertive tone of voice can help show self-confidence with requisite humility.

Remember that in forming first impressions, your non-verbal behaviour plays as important a role as your verbal behaviour. You will appreciate that the body-language associated with different “ego states” (like Nurturing Parent, Adult, Adapted Child and Natural Child ) play a very important part in the process of exchange of positive “strokes” to each other.

14.3.2 Developing Mutual Expectations

When people are mutually impressed, they are more likely to enter into a long-term relationship. When this happens, they develop certain expectations about each other. In work organisations, managers may expect new employees to be competent, productive, reliable and loyal and to conform to organisational norms. New employees, on the other hand, expect their superiors to be fair, supportive and considerate of their needs.

Many of these expectations are unwritten and unspoken. People usually do not have clear ideas about what they expect from other people or from organisations, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Initial expectations are usually very general and tend to be unrealistic. Unrealistic expectations often develop because people promise more than they can deliver at the initial stage in order to impress the other party.

Parties must go beyond the stage of establishing general expectations in order to determine whether or not the relationship is satisfactory. Unless they work out more realistic expectations, the relationship becomes superficial and less meaningful. The process of working out mutual expectations involves a series of exchanges and adjustment to each other’s expectations. It also helps determine the quality or levels of customer care in tourism organisations.

A set of mutual expectations that is worked out and understood by the parties is called a psychological contract; it governs the relationships between them in day-to-day interactions. Although this contract is neither formally stated nor legally binding, it serves as the basis for evaluating the quality of the relationship.

14.3.3 Honouring Psychological Contracts

An effective interpersonal or work relationship cannot develop and be maintained unless the participants are willing to honour their psychological contracts. Each party expects the other to be faithful in the relationship, not to take arbitrary actions and to be honest with him or her. There will, of course, be times when some of these expectations cannot be fully satisfied. But when this happens, each party must be reassured that the other is acting in good faith.

What do people expect from others in working relationships ? In his study on the development of trust influence and expectations, JJ.Gabarro (1978) pointed out that executives expected three things from their colleagues: reliable character, professional competence and good judgement.

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The character-based expectations include:

1. Integrity: Maintaining personal and moral honesty in the relationship.

2. Motive: Having good intentions and acting in good faith.

3. Consistency: Showing consistency in behaviour.

4. Openness: Levelling and being honest with another person.

5. Discretion: Maintaining confidence.

The competence-based expectations include:

1. Technical competence: Having the ability to perform the assigned task.

2. Interpersonal competence: Being able to maintain effective interpersonal relationships.

The judgement -based expectations include:

1. Business Sense: Making good business judgement.

2. Interpersonal judgement: Making an accurate perceptual judgement of other people.

Each of us has a minimum acceptable level of satisfaction. If the actual fulfilment of expectations is below that level, the situation will be viewed as a violation of the contract. When this happens the affected member will send out signals of dissatisfaction in the from of joking, complaining or showing anger (sometimes through withdrawal). If these signals are received and honoured by the other person, the relationship can be restored or the contract may be renegotiated. Otherwise, the association will suffer chronic discontent, strife, alienation and eventual termination.

14.3.4 Developing Trust and Influence

The result of meeting the psychological contract is an increased level of trust and influence. When the parties to the contract are able to meet their mutual expectations, the relationship produces mutual trust and favourable sentiments. The more satisfactory the association becomes, the greater the influence the parties have on each other. Since the relationship is fulfilling, the parties will continually rely on it to satisfy their needs. This dependency permits them to exert influence on each other.

The increased level of influence enhances each party’s ability to affect the behaviour and thinking of the other. When a person is able to influence others, the person becomes more effective in performing a task. The person’s effectiveness is especially increased when the task requires a high degree of interaction with other people, for the influential person is capable of enlisting the necessary support and cooperation from others.

14.4 DEVELOPING INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

The quality of interpersonal relationship is largely affected by the way the parties relate to each other. How we relate to another person reflects our own personality. Some people have a greater desire to maintain close relationships, others are relatively insensitive. But the ability to create, develop and maintain such relationships is not inborn. More often than not, this ability involves the way a person listens, questions, cares and responds to others. In order to develop a close and binding relationship, parties must expose themselves to each other. Unless they know each other well, they cannot develop a trusting relationship.

14.4.1 Increasing Interpersonal Awareness : The Johari Window

The Johari Window is a conceptual model for studying interpersonal awareness. It was developed by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham ( the name Johari combines their first names). It is a schematic model that shows how people expose themselves to others and receive feedback from others in their interpersonal relationships. As shown in Figure II, the Johari Window has four parts: Arena, Blindspot, Closed and Dark. Arena represents the “Public self” that is known to the self and others. The Blindspot area is known to others, but not to the self. The Closed area is the “private self” which is known to the self, but not to others. The Dark area is neither known to the self nor to others.

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Less FEEDBACK More

lf

U

nknown to the Se

ARENA BLINDSPOT

(Shared and mutually held, (Unsuspected information,

public information, feelings, feelings, reactions etc. known

motives etc.) only to other parties)

CLOSED DARK

(Hidden information, motives, (Undiscovered potentials and

feelings etc. known only to the creative reservoir known self) neither to the self nor other )

Known to the Self Unknown to the Self

Figure II : The Johari Awareness Model of Interpersonal Process

Known to Others

Unknown to Others

MoreSELF-DISCLOSURELess

(Source : Jay Hall, 1975)

The implication of this model is that if Arena is very small, there is very little free and spontaneous interaction. On the other hand, the larger the Arena, the greater the chance for participants in any relationship to make correct perceptual judgements about each other. This accurate perceptual judgement helps them to develop realistic mutual expectations. Meeting these expectations increases their level of trust and influence, and it helps them maintain a mutually satisfying relationship. As Arena expands, the Closed area or private self shrinks and it becomes less necessary to hide or deny things one knows or feels. The Blindspot takes longer to reduce because self-concept protection mechanisms are involved.

Arena can be expanded by means of self-disclosure and feedback. These two variables are shown as two large arrows in the figure and range from less to more. Self-disclosure means revealing oneself to another person and sharing one’s feelings, emotions, facts and knowledge with that individual. Self-disclosure is an act of showing respect for, and sharing intimacy with another person. Such an act requires trust in another person and is likely to encourage the other person to follow suit. But self-disclosure involves both rewards and costs. Being open (more self-disclosure) offers the possibility of self- understanding, growth and better interpersonal adjustments. On the other hand, when we disclose ourselves to another, we are taking the risk of being rejected, misinterpreted or short changed. However, unless someone takes the risk and initiates self-disclosure, the relationship will not develop.

Feedback reduces the Blindspot area and helps us increase our self-awareness, since we often do not know how others view us. We can guess how they see us by their reactions, but these reactions are often not clear and likely to be misperceived. Unless we receive feedback as to how they see us, or what kind of effects our behaviours have on them, we are likely to be blind to their feelings and reactions.

The feedback given by others can hope to reduce Blindspot only if it has the following characteristics (Anderson, 1970):

1) Intended to help the recipient.

2) Given directly, with real feelings and based on a foundation of trust between the giver and receiver.

3) Descriptive rather than evaluative.

4) Specific rather than general, with good, clear and preferably recent examples.

5) Given at a time when the recipient appears to be in a condition of readiness to accept it.

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6) Checked with others to be sure that they support its validity.

7) Includes only those things that the recipient might be expected to be able to do something about.

8) Does not include more than the recipient can handle at any particular time.

Interpersonal awareness can be increased in several ways. When you feel that something is wrong with a relationship but the problem area cannot be identified, you may take one of the following actions:

1) Ask the other party how the relationship is working out for him or her (i.e., solicit feedback). Take the initiative in expressing your concerns and feelings (i.e., initiate self-disclosure) and listen to the feedback with empathy and without any attempt to defend. The feedback obtained may not be satisfactory but at least opens the door for improvement.

2) Ask yourself whether you are fulfilling the psychological contract. Take stock of your perceptions of mutual expectation and see if each of you is meeting these expectations . Keeping in mind the characteristics of effective feedback, communicate your concerns to your partner.

14.4.2 Taking Interpersonal Risks

Nothing really happens in a relationship until the participants learn to trust each other. However, trusting another person is not simple because it involves risk of being exploited or taken for granted. If the other person behaves in such a manner that is violates one’s trust in him or her, the relationship cannot continue. However, we do not know if we can trust another person until such an opportunity of violation of trust arises. There are a few things a person can do to create and maintain a trusting relationship:

1) Take the initiative in self-disclosure. This can set the tone for developing and maintaining a relationship of trust.

2) Accept another person’s self-disclosure. Appreciate the other person for taking the initiative and the risk of rejection.

3) Reciprocate another’s initiative with your own self-disclosure. Failure to do so will be interpreted by the other person as a lack of interest and will arouse the anxiety of possible exploitation.

4) Remember that the self-fulfilling prophecy works in an interpersonal relationship. An initial assumption about a person has a way of proving itself. If you assume that the other person cannot be trusted, you will find evidence to that effect. If you assume that other person can be trusted, you are likely to experience the same.

14.4.3 Developing Cooperative Relationships

A relationship will be maintained and will prosper only when it satisfies the participant’s needs and expectations. In a mutually helpful relationship, the participants tend to cooperate rather than compete in sharing limited resources or rewards. In work organisataion, people compete for limited resources−pay increases, promotions, power and recognition. But those who want to develop mutually helpful relationships with others should make an effort to cooperate rather than compete in such a situation.

However, development of a cooperative relationship is a function of three factors:

1) Shareable goal: The perception that the goal is shareable by the parties . In all interdependent relationships , there exists at least one super-ordinate goal which can be achieved only if the parties cooperate.

2) Perceived power of all parties: The perception that all parties have power enough to use in a benevolent or a malevolent manner, depending upon their individual choice. This factor refers to the appreciation of the fact that anybody in a relationship has the power to help or hinder goal achievement.

3) Trust: A minimum level of trust prevailing amongst the parties that power of the other party will not be used in a malevolent way. The present level of trust is a product of past experience and self-fulfilling prophecy. The more trusting the parties become, the more likely it is that they will engage in cooperative relationships in future.

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14.4.4 Resolving Interpersonal Problem

A close interpersonal relationship is maintained by building trust, acceptance and support. But there are times when one party may become angry with the other for failing to meet the psychological contract. When this occurs, the first party should constructively confront the second. How well the two handle such an interpersonal problem will indicate the depth of the relationship. In a shallow relationship, one party may ignore the destructive behaviour of the other, but in a mature relationship, however, both parties should engage in constructive confrontation in order to improve the quality of relationship.

Constructive confrontation is defined by Johnson(1972) as a deliberate attempt to help another person examine the consequences of his or her behaviour. It involves providing feedback that is useful and unthreatening to the confrontee. Keeping in mind the characteristics of feedback as discussed earlier, “you” can improve the effectiveness of confrontation by observing the following principles:

1) Importance of the relationship: Do not confront another person unless both parties see the importance of the relationship and truly value it. Otherwise, confrontation may turn into, or be perceived as, criticism.

2) Ability of the confrontee: Confront another person only when you perceive that he or she has ability to act on your feedback. If the confrontee cannot change his or her behaviour, confrontation can lead to frustrations.

3) Use of empathy: View the problem from the confrontee’s is perspective. You may even change your perception of the problem as a result of this empathy.

4) Use of “I” language: Use “I” language, such as the words “I” , “Me” and “My” to reduce the defensiveness of the confrontee. “You” language i.e. use of “You” and “Your” is more closely related to criticism and sermonising.

5) Focusing on behaviour: Focus your feedback on specific behaviours rather than on the person. A person directed feedback produces defensive behaviour and resentment. We can change our behaviour but not ourselves.

6) Use of descriptive statements: Describe how you see and feel about the situation. Evaluating in judgemental statements can easily evoke defensive behaviours because such statements can be interpreted as criticism.

7) Exploring alternative behaviours : Instead of suggesting any specific solution to the problems, help the person explore various means of overcoming it .

8) Selection of time: Since timing is important for an effective confrontation, select a time when the confrontee is relaxed and more open to receiving feedback without being defensive.

9) Importance of privacy: Confront the person in private. Open confrontation will be considered a personal attack rather than a helpful encounter.

10) Use of non-verbal behaviour: Use non-verbal behaviour, which speak louder than words, to express yourself to others. Eye contact, appropriate tone of voice and correct posture can all add to the effectiveness of the confrontation.

Check Your Progress-2

1) Discuss the importance of first impression in interpersonal relations.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

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2) What do you understand by psychological contract? How it can be honoured?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

14.5 LET US SUM UP

In this Unit we have discussed the importance of interpersonal competence which is at the heart of social skills required by any manager in any organisation. You have seen that, in order to improve interpersonal competence, one must have a fairly accurate idea about one’s self-concept. Self-concept, once formed, resists changes through several protective mechanisms.

Three types of interpersonal needs, i.e. inclusion, control and affection are related with self-concept. But these have two behavioural aspects−expressed and wanted. Concepts of interpersonal orientation tell us how we influence each other. You have seen that three basic types of persons have been identified− the tough battler, the friendly helper and the objective thinker. The concept of interpersonal attraction tells us why we like each other. You have seen that people interact more frequently with those who are perceived as confirming their self-concept to the greatest extent. Bonds of attraction form most strongly between those who hold similar views towards things that are important and relevant to both.

We also discussed the four stages of development of a working relationship. The first stage of socialisation is forming the initial impression. Initial favourable impressions do not guarantee long-term relationships, but they are essential for entering into enduring relationship with others. In forming first impression, non-verbal behaviour plays as important a role as verbal behaviour. In the second stage a set of mutual expectations are worked out and understood by the parties. Many of these expectations are unwritten and unspoken. Hence, these are called psychological contracts. An effective interpersonal or work relationship cannot develop unless the participants are willing to honour their psychological contracts. The result of fulfilling the psychological contracts is an increased level of trust and influence.

In the last Section on ‘developing interpersonal skills’, you have come across a conceptual model called “ Johari Window”. You have seen that interpersonal competence can be greatly enhanced by enlarging ‘Arena’ with the help of feedback and self-disclosure. Several characteristics of effective feedback have been discussed. It is also emphasised that interpersonal relations cannot flourish unless the parties are prepared to take certain interpersonal risks. Development of co-operative relationship is facilitated when there are shared goals, mutually perceived power and minimum level of distrust. Finally, we have discussed the principle of constructive confrontation in resolving interpersonal problems.

14.6 CLUES TO ANSWERS

Check Your Progress-1

1) (i) True (ii) False (iii) True (iv) False ( v) True.

2) Compare your sentences in the light of what has been discussed in Sub-sections of Sec. 14.2.

Check Your Progress-2

1) Read Sub-sec. 14.3.1.

2) See Sub-secs. 14.3.2 and 14.3.3.

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